This is something I’ve been thinking about lately. Perhaps we’ve been somewhat misguided by certain aspects of the self help movement? Now as someone who has been a real student and advocate of self help for the past 10 years this is an uncomfortable thought.
Ok now don’t get me wrong, I truly believe in self development. In fact I’m deeply passionate about it (hence the work I do). I truly believe in filling up your own cup or in an aeroplane putting on your own mask first. But the part that perhaps some people have been forgetting, is that we put on our own mask first so that we can then be of support and assistance to others.We fill up our own cups so that it then overflows and we can touch the lives of others. Without this realisation, we can become a little serious, self absorbed and addicted to self help. We can end up feeling empty which can then lead to more self help as we believe the answer to our emptiness is obviously more focus on the self.
I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that we do need to look after ourselves. But it’s not just so that we can be the best version of ourselves for ourselves. It’s also so that we can give back to our community and to all those that we love around us. As humans we’re social animals. We thrive on being in community, in helping, in supporting and in giving. When we only focus on ourselves and our own needs (as our modern day obsession with the self may encourage), our lives can begin to feel small, empty and unfulfilling.
This is something I have been playing with in my own life at the moment. When I notice myself focusing on my own needs in my relationship, I acknowledge this (as it may have some useful information) and then at the same time I begin to broaden my perspective to include how I’m showing up as a partner. How is it that I am meeting my partner’s needs?
So I urge you to continue with your self care, self reflection and personal development. But instead of letting the buck stop there, see how you can continue to support others. To give back to the world. To share all of your incredible gifts. It may just be the missing piece of your self help puzzle.
