So, right now with all the house hunting, all the unsettledness, all the unknowns, I have to admit, life isn’t as easy. It’s not that it’s ‘bad’, but things are more challenging then they were two weeks ago when I was back in Australia, secure in my community and daily rhythms.
I noticed this morning that I was making the judgement that I wasn’t 'doing well' at the moment and thankfully I decided to delve a little deeper as this is something that I often hear with my coaching clients and friends.
What does this ‘Not doing well’ mean anyway? Does it mean that we’re not happy? That we’re finding things hard? That we’re not as joyful as we were maybe a couple of weeks ago? Because these standards are impossible to live up to all of the time.
Our inner perfectionists are making the assumption that things have to be going well “all’ of the time in order for us to be ‘doing well’. That we should be somehow handling our lives differently. That we need to be floating through life with ease and joy at every moment, to feel as though we are doing a 'good enough' job.
And when we judge ourselves like this and there are 'shoulds' in our sentences, then we know that we’re screwed.
This is because these judgements are binary. They are black and white. There is no room for nuances, for curiosity, for learning, for making mistakes. There is no room for bad moods, for bad days, for hard moments or for ups and downs. There is pressure, there are ‘shoulds’ and every time we hear that word SHOULD it’s an indication that we’re disconnected from our own lives, from our own needs and from our own heart. We’re trying to live up to a standard and one which is not even necessarily in line with our own values or needs.
So when I noticed myself saying this, I softened. I decided that I don’t want to work with the language of ‘Good Girl/Bad girl’, ‘Doing well, or not doing well” and 'shoulds'..
I don’t want to grade myself anymore!
Instead I decided to say..
‘Things are hard at the moment love, the only thing you need to do is be open to what you’re experiencing with self compassion and love. You’ve got this’.
Life can be hard. We’re not doing anything 'wrong' when we don't feel great. We’re not getting an ‘F”!
We also aren’t getting an ‘A” when for whatever reason life is full of ease and we feel as though we’re nailing it.
So let’s stop with all of the grading. Instead, how can we just be open to whatever is unfolding in our lives and have our own back?
After all.. We’ve got this!
