I didn’t want to write this post. I saw it as a sign that I have ‘failed’ in some way. But I want to be authentic. I want to be real. I want to share the highs and lows of this intuitive eating, body positivity journey and so here it goes…
We’ve just moved overseas (again) and truth be told I’m feeling unsettled (queue- thoughts about food and weight becoming a little more active in my mind). You see, obsessing over food and weight is really just a coping style; a way where we can feel like we’re in control, when we’re feeling somewhat out of control in some other area of our life.
For me, right now, I have just moved countries with 2 small children, am homeless, don’t have many friends or any set routine yet and so of course my life is feeling unsettled; We have literally unsettled ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong, I love an adventure, but it can also bring up feelings of unease as you learn a new city, make new friends and find a new home.
So… I found myself eating more, thinking about my body more and feeling a little more unsettled around food. This was unsettling, but I understood why this was all happening and so I gave myself a much needed hug and reminded myself that it’s not my thoughts that define me and where I am on this journey, but how I choose to respond to them.
So, I chose to respond to them with kindness, not giving them air time and recognising that they were symbolic of deeper feelings coming up within me.
That was until I weighed myself….
I couldn’t believe it. It was almost unconscious. Like a well trodden path, I just hopped right on, slipping right back into that same old groove, knowing that this could only lead to one place- and it’s never a good one.
And do you know what, my weight was up. And thankfully this is where all of my work in this area really came in. The truth is..I don’t care. I’m not going to change any food behaviours, in fact, I almost immediately went downstairs to have my afternoon snack that I was hungry for and I ate it happily. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Our weight is not meant to be static. It changes as our life situations changes, and it’s definitely not meant to weigh our self esteem.
So instead of beating myself up and telling myself the story that I’m ‘bad’ at this body positivity and coaching thing, I offered myself self compassion and love and decided to not give it much meaning, other than, I’m still susceptible to diet mentality, especially during times of stress. This is when I need to give myself the most love and to continue to choose liberation over fear and control.
So bye bye scales. It’s not me, it’s you. I do not give you the power to weigh my self esteem any more.
