A friend and I were talking the other day and she was asking for some ideas about self care. She said that she already went for walks, did yoga, took nice baths, but was after some other suggestions to add to her toolkit.
The thing is, that whilst all of the above actions are wonderful and can add a lot of support and richness to our lives, they are also all about ‘doing’. We live in a very action oriented, fast moving culture and it seems that self care has also fallen prey to this momentum. Self care has become all about what you can ‘do’, buy and what you can ‘add’ to your life. Be it, green smoothies, meditation, massages, swims in the ocean or journalling, there is a magnitude of ways that you can care for yourself, and this can feel both exciting and overwhelming at times.
So… I want to put a different spin on self care.
What if self care was less about the ‘doing’ and more about how you are ‘being’ with yourself?
I feel that this sort of self care may just be the deepest form of self love and nourishment that you could possibly give to yourself. What if, instead of always trying to add more to our lives, we started to get conscious and intentional about how we’re speaking and being with ourselves? If we looked after our emotions and showed ourselves love, whether we’re feeling anxious, sad, overwhelmed or fill in the blank...? What if instead of turning on ourselves and being judgemental when things are going ‘wrong’ or when we inevitably make mistakes, we could be compassionately curious instead? This for me is true, deep self care.
Don’t get me wrong, the activities should stay. I love meditation, journaling, yoga, conversations with friends, dance, music, to name a few. However these activities will never fill you up if you’re still talking to yourself negatively or constantly judging yourself.
I believe that these activities need to be done in conjunctin with really noticing how we;’re being with ourselves.
Lately I’ve been doing a practice given to me by my wonderful meditation teacher and it’s the simplest practice I’ve ever done but also the most transformative.
In moments when my inner critic is having a field day or I’m feeling sad, anxious, judgemental, angry or any emotion that I don’t want to feel, I simply put my hand on my heart and say ‘My darling’..
Try it now.. It feels like a warm hug.
As simple as this practice is, it’s been one of the most profound self care practices I’ve ever done. It instantly softens me, opens me up and makes me feel so loved which is in direct contrast to how my inner critic was having me feel. I suppose in a way it’s parenting yourself. Holding space and showing the love, patience and compassion that you would for a child.
This Weeks Practice
Instead of adding more to your self care ‘to do’ list. Start to think about how you are ‘being’ with yourself?
How are you talking to yourself? Are your judging yourself harshly or against impossible standards?
Now if you are judging yourself, don’t get down on yourself. Judgement upon judgement never led to anywhere good. Instead, pour the opposite energy into it. Give yourself love and compassion in a moment where you were giving yourself self harassment or harshness.
You might say “I love you’ or ‘it’s ok’ or ‘my darling’.. Whatever resonates with you.. I recommend placing a hand on your heart as it takes you out of your mind and into your body.
The main intention is to start to show compassion and love towards yourself as you move through your day.
